Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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