I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
