just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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