How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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