i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Randomize