ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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