hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize