If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
