I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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