He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
