She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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