i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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