Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
