ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
