i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize