I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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