I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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