Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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