you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
