Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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