you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
