Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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