I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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