love makes seman taste better
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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