can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
