I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im holly from the hills drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Panties = found
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