My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize