Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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