Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
