i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize