Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
