so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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