she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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