does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
