dude i'm inner monologue high
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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