The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
