So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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