I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
