Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
