Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
