She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
