So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize