So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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