So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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