the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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