SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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