Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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