singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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