I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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