Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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