u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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