i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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