it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize