This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
