Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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