you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
