so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
