dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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