Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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