how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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