My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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