you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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