dude i'm inner monologue high
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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