Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
True strength comes from lack of pants
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize