my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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