so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize