I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
