we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
