smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
