just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
