Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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