its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
