The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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