I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
