i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
